Archive for the ‘relationship advice’ Category

10 ways to get rid of an irritating girlfriend

Monday, November 19th, 2007

It’s time for advice of a different kind. How do get rid of a girl.

  1. Make her wait for ages… when the dates are planned by her and, even worse when they are planned by you.
  2. Do not ever use a deodorant when you’re around her. Make it a point to munch on onions before you meet her.
  3. Attend as many calls as you can when she’s spending time with you… it helps if the one calling is you’re ex-girlfriend and it’s even better if it’s your ’supposedly’ intimate boyfriend.
  4. Be as GAY as you can!
  5. Make sure you invite her best friend every time you go out with her, and hit on her friend as shamelessly as you can. The drool-pot is a sure winner!
  6. Dress as horrendously as you possible can. Colour combinations are a strict NO-NO, unless you’re planning on doing a fluorescent orange and bright pink combo. Classic!
  7. Gorge yourself on food, hers, yours, her friend’s and make sure food spills out of your mouth every minute or so, during your lunch or dinner dates.
  8. BURP! As often and as loudly as you can. Gaseous emanations of other kinds are also sure ways to your ultimate triumph!
  9. Make sure she realizes you’re not busy, but pretend to be as busy as you can possibly be when she’s around… she’ll get the hint… or even better, pair it up with being a schedule freak.
  10. Pretend you have a serious crotch infection, or a fetish or an obsession for everything down under!

Does she mean what she says?

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
What Women Say… What Women Think…
She usually says… A woman doesn’t think and talk in two different directions unlike the men, but sometimes they aren’t very different!
Am I fat? If you tell me I am, I’m just going to run to the refrigerator and gorge on my third round of chocolate pastries and chips to feel better!
Swear on me! Really, swear on me! Though I know I’m never going to drop dead, however hard you wish.
What are you doing? Now were you playing with yourself or is someone else in the bathroom?
You’re late! You’re always late!
Do you know what day is today? You forgot one of the special days in my life… like the 3rd day of my cycle.
Do I look good? Do you want to spend the night on the sofa?… then the answer better be Yes!
Listen to me… You bastard, wake up!!
Is that girl prettier than me? You better say no, buster!
How much do you love me? How much do you love me?
I shopped today! I’ve maxed our credit cards, don’t you think we need to get more of those?
Don’t you think we need more credit cards? Well, didn’t you just understand what I said?
Really?!!! There is where I drive the stake into your chest, unless I hear something more convincing!
   

Courtesy of Lover’s Lawn

Women’s greatest turnoffs

Monday, August 20th, 2007

Hey guys!

Whether you work or go to school, I hope your week has gotten off to a good start. I found a good blog post over at PlanJam.com that gives a brief overview of what many women consider turnoffs. There are some things that are left out of the post that I’ll expand on in the future. However until then, read the post by clicking here.

How to deal with competition from other men

Friday, August 17th, 2007

Have you ever been hanging out with your girlfriend at a party, turn your back for a minute, then notice that some guy is talking or flirting with her? I’ve been in that situation, along with many other men. There are only two types of men; those that have had this happen to them and those that haven’t yet.

So there you are. You watching some guy flirt with your girl. What do you do? I’m about to tell you.

First, remain calm
The last thing you want is to look insecure, nervous, jealous or angry. Showing these emotions will make you look insecure – read unattractive. You don’t want your girl thinking that she’s dating an insecure pansy or someone in need of anger management. Remember, you might feel these emotions, just don’t show it. Remain calm and act cool like it doesn’t bother you at all.

Walk up to your girl and the guy
Casually walk up to your girl. The keyword is casually. You don’t want to run or timidly walk over to her. Walk as you normally would walk if you were at the mall.

Begin a short conversation
Once you’re by your girl, continue acting casual. For the first few seconds only look at your girl, don’t even acknowledge that the guy is there, smile at her and ask if she’s having fun. Once she answers, look at the guy and be sure to smile. Introduce yourself to him by saying something like, “Oh hey, I’m so-and-so,” and shake his hand. Next look at your girl and apologize for interrupting by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” Make sure you sound sincere. Nine times out of ten, the answer will be no. She might say something like, “No but so-and-so (the guy that’s talking to your girl) was telling me about…”

Leave the conversation and walk away with your girl
Now here is the part where you leave gracefully with your girl. Once you get a response to your question, “Am I interrupting something,” it’s time to make your move. That move should be to end the other guy’s conversation. To do this, you need to say something to the effect of, “Oh, OK. Hey babe, I want to introduce you someone.” Then look at the guy and say, “Hey man, it was great meeting you.” Shake his hand one more time, hold your girl’s hand and leave.

Again the key to this is to remain calm and act casual. Now I know that the situation may not go as smoothly as my example. What if the guy is a real jerk and is overtly flirting with her right in front of you? What if your girl says she doesn’t want to leave with you?

These are good questions and I have my answers to them that I’ll post at a later date. Right now I would like my readers to weigh in on the subject. What would you do in any of the above situations?